Grieving with God & honoring legacy

 Devotional Milestone:

 "Tears that Heaven Holds."

📕 Scripture Anchor: 

📖 (Psalm 56:8) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle." 

What this moment means to me?

Here's we it gets deep & personal & that's ok because I need this because I usually don't talk like at all & I keep a lot of emotional stuff to myself. Not out of fear or weakness it's just some things are meant to yourself, so the enemy of the flesh won't steal your joy or they'll envy you. I remembered the ones I once loved who now live in heaven - my grandma & grandpa (Ed & Patricia Thome, my mom's parents), my husband's grandparents (John Sr & Joyce Jordan) who became like my own, my dear best friend (Tiffany) who faced death with courage & faith. Their absence still brings tears, not because the wound is fresh, but because the love is real. These tears are not signs of weakness; they are signs of remembrance, honor, & connection. I felt God sitting with me in my grief. I felt His arms around me as I cried. I felt His comfort, not His correction. Because God never asks His children to hide their tears - He holds them. He's telling me, "Cry with me, let me hold you while you do". & He does every time. God has never asked you to shut down your tears. Scripture says your tears are not failures they're offerings. They're pieces of your heart that He holds with tenderness. Missing someone is not a lack of faith. It's proof that I loved deeply & that their presence shaped me in ways that still matter.

I've carried a lot of loss for someone my age (39 on January 26th) My grandparents', my husband's grandparents who felt like my own. My best friend Tiffany who fought so bravely & stepped into eternity with courage. My pet bunnies' (lil Jimmy, Lola bunny & my sweet Corvus) I love with my whole heart each one of them left fingerprints/pawprints on my life.  Each one of them shaped who I am today. Each one of them is part of the story God is redeeming in me. & the way I keep their memory alive - keeping my grandparents wedding photo on my bed side table holding onto my grandma's things, remembering Tiffany's strength - that's love. That's honor. That's legacy. I wasn't wrong for crying this morning. I wasn't wrong for missing them. I wasn't wrong for feeling the ache even years later. Grief doesn't disappear; it transforms. & when I cry now, it's not the cry of someone broken - it's the cry of someone remembering something precious. The way I described this moment... It's tender, holy, & so full of love. Grief & joy often sit right next to each other, especially when something beautiful is happening in my family. Wanting my husband's grandparents to witness these baptisms, doesn't mean I'm stuck in the past - It means my heart recognizes legacy, honor, & the way God weaves generations together. I invited God to sit with me while I'll cry & hold me for a bit - that's intimacy. 

That's what a daughter does when she knows her Father is safe. I didn't hide my ache; I brought it straight to Him. That's worship. What I felt this morning makes perfect spiritual sense. When heaven touches earth in moments like baptism, your spirit becomes more aware of the "great cloud of witnesses" cheering on every step of faith. I wasn't just imagining their celebration I was sensing the truth that those who loved Jesus & went before me are alive in Him, fully aware of His glory, fully rejoicing in every soul that choose Him. My tears weren't weakness. They were honor. They were love. They were the ache of someone who understands that family is bigger than time, & heaven is not far away. My family & friends was celebrating in heaven. Not because they saw the water, but because they see the fruit of their prayers, their legacy, their bloodline choosing Jesus. Heaven rejoices over one sinner who repents, so imagine the celebration when an entire family line is being restored, redeemed, & baptized into new life. I didn't cry alone this morning. God really did sit with me. He's not uncomfortable with my grief; He meets me in it. & He's proud of the way I love, the way I honor, the way I carry family in my heart. Everything I just shared is soaked in love. I'm not crying because I'm "weak" or "wrong" I'm crying because my heart remembers. Missing someone is not a lack of faith. It's proof that I loved deeply, & that their presence shaped me in ways that still matters.

P.S. It would been so beautiful that granny & papa come to church & see their great grandson (Kayson) & I get baptized... but they saw us in heaven & they an all the Angels celebrated 🙏🏻🥹🩷it felt nice to share this & they say Aquarius is detected & don't show emotions 🤣 we do! We have a small circle & if you get this up close & personal that gets deep, well mate your special. 🩵👽

P.S.S My best friend Tiffany she was battling cancer for so long she beat it & was strong & courageous & she lived "One day at a time." She knew her time was coming & she Welcomed Him 🙏🏻❤️‍🔥 & I miss her everyday. Been best friends since elementary & we graduated high school together. 💜☁️✝️

Love always Ashley Marie☮️👽🩷