I Will Not Bow to Shame

Last night shook me in a way I didn’t expect.
At 1:18 in the morning, my phone rang.
A child’s voice.
A child accusing my son — my Kayson — of saying the N‑word and cussing.

My heart dropped.
Embarrassment hit me like a wave.
Disappointment wrapped around me like a heavy blanket.
For a moment, I felt like I failed as a mother.
For a moment, I felt shame trying to climb onto my shoulders.

But then the truth came.

My husband called the camp director — the adult who actually sees my son, not a child calling in the middle of the night.
And the director said:

• “Kayson has been a joy to have.”
• “He’s been kind.”
• “He gave another child his pants so that boy wouldn’t be embarrassed.”

That is my son.
That is his heart.
That is the fruit of what God is doing in him.

One lie from the enemy tried to take root — and God kicked it straight back to hell.

I will not bow to Satan’s accusations.
I will not let shame parent my child.
I will not let fear tell me who I am.

And I will not miss church because of a lie. 

The Battle Over My Hair

As if that wasn’t enough, the enemy tried to hit me in another place — my appearance.

My hair.
My Midnight Ruby.
My expression of joy.
My reminder that God brought color back into my life.

Someone told me I wasn’t “normal.”
Someone said I wasn’t “professional.”
And suddenly I felt small again.
Suddenly I felt like I didn’t belong in choir.
Suddenly I felt like people were staring, whispering, judging.

But God said:

“Daughter, don’t shrink back.
Your worship is Mine.
I didn’t anoint your hair.
I anointed your heart.”

And He’s right.
My hair doesn’t disqualify me.
My past doesn’t disqualify me.
People’s opinions don’t disqualify me.

God already qualified me.

Seeing Others Through Compassion

I thought about Amber — the girl with the red hair and tattoos who worships with her whole heart. I don't even know the woman, never knew her name till one of women said her name. My first Sunday at the church back in June or July I noticed her & loved her beauty. 

She’s beautiful.
She’s bold.
She’s free.

And I wondered if she ever felt judged too.
If she ever stayed home because of whispers.
If she ever felt like she didn’t belong.

Maybe that’s why I noticed her.
Because compassion recognizes compassion.
Because my heart is learning to see deeper.
Because God is teaching me to love people the way He loves me.

The Real Battle

The enemy tried to:

• shame me as a mother
• embarrass me
• make me hide
• make me doubt my place
• make me regret my joy
• make me fear judgment
• make me quit choir
• make me skip church
• But I see it now.

• He attacked because I’m growing.
  He attacked because I’m healing.
  He attacked because I’m worshiping again.
  He attacked because I’m stepping into ministry.
  He attacked because I’m dangerous to darkness.

  And today I say:

  Satan, go back to hell where you belong.
  You are not my God.
  You do not get to speak over my identity.
  You do not get to shame me out of my calling.
  You do not get to silence my worship.

  The blood of Jesus speaks louder than every lie.

  My Declaration Today 🥹✝️🥰

  I will walk into church with my head lifted. I will worship with the voice God gave me.

  I will love my son through his learning.
  I will not shrink because of whispers.
  I will not hide because of fear.
  I will not apologize for the color God restored in me.
  I will not bow to shame.

  I belong in the house of God.
  I belong in the choir.
  I belong in the story He is writing.

  And I will not let the enemy steal one more moment of my joy.

Have a great weekend love you always

Ashley Marie 👽✝️🩷