A Little Hug From Jesus

 This season of my life has been all about learning to praise, worship, & put on the armor of God. Last season I asked Him to draw near to me, to build a real relationship with me — & He did. This season, He placed me in choir. Every Wednesday night is practice, & since April 19th I’ve been joining them on Sundays too.

I love worship. I love being in His presence. I love that He trained me up for this moment. But last night at rehearsal… I felt discouraged. I invited Jesus with me like I always do, & He showed up like He always does. He even sent me another helper — Patricia — the sixth person He’s sent to me since joining choir. She helped me with music, let me use her phone because I forgot mine, & she was such a blessing.

But even with all that, I felt like my singing was off key. I felt like everyone could tell. My throat hurt. I felt like I didn’t belong. I felt like I couldn’t sing a note. & I wanted to leave. I wanted to quit. & this wasn’t the enemy whispering lies — this was how I genuinely felt.

I’m doing all of this while living in constant pain. I have Endometriosis & a cyst on my left ovary. I show up to choir, I show up on Sundays, I take my friend to her appointments, I go to Moms of Lakeland on Tuesdays, I take my kids to their appointments, I cook, I clean, I serve my family, & I serve the Lord — all in pain. And I love praising Him. So the thought of “maybe I don’t belong in choir” really hurt me.

But today… everything changed.

I put on worship music & “Counting My Blessings” by Seph Schlueter came on — one of my favorites. I started crying & worshipping, and right there in the middle of my tears, God gave me a vision.

I saw myself in choir this Sunday — Mother’s Day — worshipping with tears streaming down my face, just like I was in that moment. And then God spoke:

“Daughter, Ashleigh is teaching you to sing. & so is Farrah.”

& suddenly it hit me. I saw it. I remembered all the times they were teaching pitches, showing us how high or low to sing, guiding us through the music. It was right in front of me the whole time. I broke down even more.

I got up and grabbed the wooden heart I received at Moms of Lakeland on Tuesday. On the front is Matthew 28:20 — “I am with you always.” On the back it says, “A little hug,” with two tiny hearts. When I first got it, I said, “Aww, I get a hug from Jesus.” Today, when I held it during my breakthrough, my back lit up with fire. The Holy Spirit was all over me.

& then God showed me something else:

“The other choir members are learning too.”

I saw it — all of them asking questions last night. “How high do we sing this?” “Is this the right note?” “Do we go up or down here?”

I wasn’t the only one learning. I wasn’t behind. I wasn’t alone.

& that revelation broke off shame. It broke off comparison. It broke off insecurity. It broke off every lie I had believed.

God replaced it with truth.

His truth.

& I cried even harder because it was so real.

He’s building a masterpiece in me. He’s teaching me. He’s hugging me. He’s with me every Wednesday and every Sunday. He’s sending angels to help me. He’s strengthening me through pain. He’s shaping me into a worshipper — not a performer.

& if another woman walked into choir feeling the way I felt last night, I would tell her:

“You’re awesome. I’ve been there. Let me help you.”

& now I know… that’s exactly why God is helping me.

I can't wait this Sunday It's going to be beautiful Mother's Day service

Love Always

Ashley Maire 🤗✝️🥰🎶🎼